What am I doing?
by Assina
Summary: One-shot, a little UlquiHime. Angsty.


This is just a little drabble/one-shot thingerbob. There's a tad bit of UlquiHime, but only a little. And also angsty... ish. I've never authored an UlquiHime fic before (though I've read quite a few), so obviously this is my first try. Enjoy, and feel free to critique.

* * *

Orihime Inoue was dying inside, so to speak.

Ulquiorra noticed, as was his duty, that the woman had become frail, as if she might break anytime. Her skin eventually lightened up so much from the lack of sun that it was quite close to his own skin color, and that was saying something. If Ulquiorra was the type to feel sympathy for others, he would have.

But he wasn't. So, he only took it upon himself to make her eat more and request (from Lord Aizen, who seemed rather pleased with this) that he take her to the dome, where the artificial sun was. He didn't know if the "sun" there would actually beam ultraviolet rays, but at least he could say he was trying to do his job. That was all he saw it as, a job and nothing else. At least, that was what he told himself.

Nonetheless, he held a burden of regret over his shoulders as soon as he and the captured woman stepped into the dome that was blanketed by the fake sky. She clapped her hands, cried, squealed, and did everything else possible of that nature. Of course he expected such a reaction, as she had not seen the sunny blue sky since her captivity, which had been a considerable amount of time ago. Her squealing still annoyed him, however. He was not used to having an over-joyed woman in his presence, and in fact never before had it happened. Halibel, her three fraccion, and Loly and Menoly weren't exactly enthusiastic. Even if they were, it wasn't in a good way. So as they were the only other women he knew, it only proved how inexperienced he was with females.

He did not know how to talk to them other than in an aloof, uninterested manner, or in Inoue's case, in an authoritative manner. He knew she wasn't afraid of him, but she should have been. She knew he wouldn't kill her unless ordered to. Even then, would he?

_Am I really that heartless?, _He'd wondered to himself on the way to her room, _Am I as cold and unmerciful as Lord Aizen and all the others believe?_

Was he? What was this heart the woman seemed to be so bound to? He didn't know. It bothered him to feel this way, out of touch with himself and without knowing. Ulquiorra was the kind of man who like things to be in order. If it wasn't, he felt slightly uneased, though he tried his best not to show it. Emotions were not something he would give the others around him the satisfaction of seeing. He hardly even let _himself _see his own emotions.

Ironically, he'd felt himself slipping lately. He had no clue as to why, but whenever he saw that woman smile, he felt this warm feeling that made his chest tighten. It was a strange feeling, one he had never felt before. He also found himself resisting forcing her meals down her throat, too, although he never would have hesitated before. Why was it that she was suddenly bringing all these alien things into his life? Certainly there was a reason.

Being the anaylitical man he was, Ulquiorra set out to find the answer to this question. Of course, this meant that he would have to be around her more often in order to observe and form a few hypothesis. In all truth this was the reason he was traveling to her chambers now. He didn't really know what he would do, or say, because the only time he had ever really spoke to her was when he was telling her to do something. Even when he had taken her to visit the dome, it had been an order from him.

***

_So what am I doing now? What am I _doing?

***

Even though he was unsure of his actions - and he rarely ever was - he opened the door to her room and walked in, not even bothering to let her know. First mistake.

Orihime was changing her clothes, apparently.

She was turned around, but Ulquiorra could almost picture the look on her face when she realized the door had opened, obviously meaning someone had entered. While she had no top on. She looked over her shoulder, doe eyes wide, and gasped.

"Ul...quior... w-what...?"

For the first time in his life, Ulquiorra felt himself blush. His cheeks stung and his eyes grew wide, but only slightly enough that one could hardly tell.

"I... I apologize," he said, avoiding looking at her.

And with that, the man shut the door. Wait, what was he doing apologizing? She was an underlining, and he very well could have done whatever he wanted to. But he _did _do what he wanted to.

He'd acted on a notion, did what he thought he should, which was give the girl her privacy. He assumed that was what she would want, because personally, he wouldn't be comfortable with another watching him change. Did this mean he had respect for her? Even a minuscule?

Interrupting his train of thought, the door, the one that he'd closed only moments ago, opened and revealed Orihime's pale face peeking out of the crack of it. "Ulquiorra-Sama... I'm finished now. Was there-"

"No. Go back in your room." He said, cutting her off sharply. "Goodbye, woman."

And he walked away, leaving her by herself.

* * *

I don't really think there's much of a point to this, just writing about Ulquiorra's struggle with some particular feelings he was having. I will not be continuing any further, but thank you for reading. I appreciate it.


End file.
